Trials and Tribulations of a Single Mom - Oh Those High School Years! Part II

Ashim Today- Baku is a nickname that never got unstuck

Varsity Basketball
As you can surmise Baku is a true lover of sports, so scrambling to make it from DC to Baku’s games in Vienna or looking for carpools with other parents was the overriding theme of my life in his school years. I especially tried to make it to almost every game when Baku played Varsity basketball in high school since it is almost next to impossible to get into that level team even if my darling son only warmed the bench in quite a few games. Often I made it halfway into the game and plonked myself next to the nearest groups of parents, only to later find out that I was sitting amidst the opposing team families because when I was clapping the loudest after my son or his team made a goal or had a good play, I would realize that no one else was joining me and that I was in hostile territory!

"D" in Calculus- Mom on the warpath
On a different note, I had made it clear to my son that he could be as much of jock as he wanted but it could never ever be at the expense of academics. While I was never a parent who went to each PTA meeting – actually I hardly remember attending, but one or two in all those years, I was very firm and uncompromising about his grades not slipping. I recall how Baku after he learned that he had made it into the much coveted University of Virginia in Charlottesville, decided his work was done where his grades were concerned and basically went on a mental vacation in his senior year. He started getting “Cs” and then “Ds” in his advanced calculus classes. It totally freaked me out as UVA is known to rescind admissions. Those were not happy days for Baku and even less so for his school counselor and calculus teacher. Immediately, I called his teacher, a former marine, who indifferently told me that he didn’t let me know about Baku's progressively declining grades because these are eighteen year old young men and women and supposed to know better. WRONG answer! He certainly got an earful about a teacher’s commitment to his students' welfare and success. Apparently, he called Baku later and laughingly told him that he had better show up in his remedial classes because he certainly didn’t want another call from me, much less a visit. (I am sure he probably said more and Baku gave me a sanitized version as he is a consummate diplomat.) Apparently, this was a first as the teacher had never ever made such effort with other students. Needless to say, Baku got his act together and did so well that he earned college credits.

Wahoo!!! We have arrived
Similarly, I am a firm believer in positive thinking buttressed with hard work. I vividly recall a visit with his high school counselor to talk about colleges and she stated that Baku’s chances of making it into UVA were almost nil because getting into UVA from Northern VA was cut-throat competition. I refused to accept it and told my son that he might want to now cut back on his basketball and get his nose to the grindstone. And he did. I still remember him calling me diffidently at work and telling me that he “thought!!!” he had gotten admitted as he saw his name on the UVA website, but it could be a mistake. I remember going totally wild with excitement and asked him to print the screen page so we had proof. Of course he got the acceptance letter the next day.

Times have certainly Changed
As I reminisce about all these years, it makes me realize how much we imbibe from our own upbringing. I know that academics being very important to me is a direct influence of my background. But, what a far cry from the world we grew up in where my parents especially my mom was so hands on regarding my educational choices etc. These are different times and independent thinking seems to be the hallmark of today's generation. Perhaps due to the times today and personal circumstances as a single parent, contrary to my own sheltered childhood, my son is extremely independent and has been from very early years. All throughout without consulting me, he chose his own subjects, met his own deadlines and prepared for his college admissions – all on his own. Barring elementary school, I did not get involved in his work in any way other than check to see his grades were fine.

Mom You HAVE Issues - Whatever!
Sometimes I look back and wish I had spent even more time with him but it was always a juggling act between meeting his needs and ensuring that my own career was stable. I do know that I did my best and must have done a few things right because this is one self-assured young man who now looks out for me. While I must confess, I am enjoying my life as an empty nester, I do miss his presence around the house and even his annoying statements when we had our moments and he would look me in the eye unflinchingly and say in a level tone, “Mom you have issues”. Don’t we all!