The Internet Celebration – Bridging the Distance - A Guest Post

This is a guest post written by, as they say here, my BFF or best friend forever, Malini (she has commented in many of my posts recently), who I have known when we both met as high school teachers in New Delhi in 1982. Since then our bond has been unbreakable even though we have been thousands of miles apart since early 1987 when I left India for the US. I will write a separate post on that later, but in the interim, I want to share her candid impressions about her current stay here in US. Read on...

I am an indian teacher on a Fulbright Exchange Fellowship program, teaching English in an American high school nestling in the woods in Washington state. This is my first international teaching assignment and also my first visit to the US. Like all Indians, I too came with a stereotypical perception of this wonderful land of opportunity. However it would not be out of place to state that during the first few weeks, I felt as though the rug had been pulled from under my feet.

My initial trauma at the study in contrasts between the two cultures and my spontaneous outbursts gave way to refined reflection and appreciation of the American people ..and it was not before long that my high school kids in the school won me over.

RBK has been and remains a true friend over the years. She has literally babysat me every evening over the webcam for hours giving me the much needed emotional support. I will always remain indebted to her as she reached out to hold my hand. Thank you Raksha I love you.





Malini being given a very warm sendoff by her family, friends and colleagues in Delhi for her six-month trip to the US. She like many Indian immigrants was quite unprepared for the differences in the socio-cultural fabric

This celebration was special and bookmarked with many firsts.... in this journey. Friday 10th October marked my parents 55th wedding anniversary (bless them) and this was the first time I was not physically present with them on the occasion. Sitting so far away in a strange land, how do you celebrate a joyous moment? Celebrations mean familial familiarity, friends, dine outs, tikkas, butter chicken and tandoori lachcha parathas washed down by a toast to a forever ever after. But here I was, alone and among strangers in a distant land... it was a strange mix of emotions. Was I the NRI (non-resident Indian)daughter making the customary call because it is a date marked on my calendar? I felt for all those sons and daughters in distant lands... how many birthdays and anniversaries...had been reduced to Skype calls and egreetings. It’s painful to lose the human touch and get on with life...as the threads of emotional bonds become weaker... miss my children on these occasions but I wonder if the yearning is reciprocal...maybe it is a generational in my times kind of feeling.
I felt restless as a caged bird yearning to be free.

The day started off with the usual 45 minutes ride to school, with Betsy sipping her tea as she drove, Rene complaining about her loser designer and me fighting hard to keep my tumult of emotions in check. I just wanted to hug mummy and daddy...and my arms ached. My unusual silence went unnoticed as we wished each other a good day and walked down our separate ways to another challenging day.

End of school day, a weekend to look forward to yet a feeling of emptiness enveloped me. It was then that I marched up to Betsy’s room and asked for some candy. As we sat in the car I burst out it’s my parent’s anniversary and I fished out the Tootsies and the fruit chews. Congratulations were in order followed by a volley of questions. Coming from a background which believed in the loyalty, commitment, love and tenacity of this relationship I was at the moment sitting amidst what I narrowly perceive as a disintegrated social fabric in this context. With pride, I went on to speak about the institution of marriage in India (in complete denial of the increasing intolerance, growing infidelities, divorces, interpersonal seesaws and the Mr. Walias and Banis of the Indian soap opera).

Expectedly, the conversation ended up with each pouring out her personal experiences. René spoke of her mother as one who hung on to her marriage to bring up the children, but had finally found her peace with her new husband. Her father too was a happier person in his second domesticity. She spoke of her own marriage to a divorced man with grown up sons, in reverential terms. My very being revolted at this absence of commitment and lack of permanence but the wordsworthian spontaneous overflow tempered by reflection got the better of me. I recollect the silent mutterings of my parents and the complaints even at this age which inevitably ended with “all his/her life he/she has suppressed me”. But they were never to be taken seriously and considered a healthy difference of opinion. Thank God I am a product of a generation that has taught me the value of togetherness through life’s trials and tribulations, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. (Ashok, this one is a tribute to you).





Malini getting acclimated to her life in US on the West coast during her six-month stay.


Here she is my son on her brief stopover in DC area. We both were quite upset that she was on a different coast but we more than made by by daily chatting face to face on the webcam through skype each evening- it was like we were next to each other.

Surrounded by people who walked in and out of relationships with pre nuptial agreements, i questioned the Indian loyalty, in the privacy of my thoughts. Greedily eating French fries, sipping chilled soda with a classic crispy chicken burger in waiting, I sat in MacDonald’s celebrating the anniversary..cheers!!The dark side surfaced (mine was not a yardstick to measure the great Indian marriage; they say it is an exception to the rule). Yes, there are unhappy people all around, oppressed by a male dominated society living out the farce. Domestic violence and marital abuse is an integral part of the Indian society as well and the Indian adaptation of the bold and beautiful has brought it out in the open. Does art imitate life or is it vice versa? I always wonder. Who is right or what is appropriate, the questions remains unanswered and always will. But yes the right to happiness is fundamental and decisions taken in this direction cannot be contested..so each to his own definition of love, life, marriage and happiness.

Without getting into the private lives of my new found friends, i would like to share a conversation with a high school junior student. “My parents were never married and my mother walked out with her boyfriend when I was 13 while my father’s girlfriend moved in. Yes it was confusing in the beginning, trying to adjust to visiting on separate weekends and deciding whom to stay with but nothing more than that. I have been impacted in the sense that I know nothing is permanent and it is so much easier to get over heart break and move on in life. It happens, I guess because people get bored with each other.” Kudos! to this young generation that talks about abortion and marriage in the same breath as a subway sandwich or a waterfront pizza. In a world of reality and game shows, the high school senior who is planning her wedding to her fiancé currently in Iraq, says, “Well, we Americans love to take risks and accept our responsibility. We always have a backup plan,” and another in her journal prompt wrote about how her greatest challenge has been getting over her parents divorce.I wonder what 2 year old Tyler thinks when every Sunday his dad drives down from Seattle as a clause of the ongoing divorce between his parents. The rest of the week there is Bill his mother’s current boyfriend comfortably settled.

The evening ended with a Skype call to my parents sharing with them my celebration..as a family it is very important to celebrate the happiness of the moment..these are the great occasions in their ordinariness as I raised a toast with my can of pepsi and treated myself to a triple chocolate chunk muffin. I love you mummy and daddy. Don’t forget to put in my bank account my back present to pay the dollar bill of the celebration. I hope all daughters and sons make the special effort even when they are far away..take time out and CELEBRATE.