India Indeed a Patriarchal Society! A Look at Multi-Generational Families, a Fast-Fading Reality...

A modern multi-generational Indian middle class family today - a portrait of a dear friend's family

This article is dedicated in honor of my father's birth centennial which is today- he passed away in January 1997. Yes, today is my father's birthday as he was born on September 28, 1908. Now he was a true patriarch not only of his many sons and daughter and grandchildren, but also with respect to his siblings and their clans who considered him the de facto head. Both, he and mother were unfailingly there for EVERYONE till the very end of their lives. That is a true testimony to the real value of an extended family life!

Recently there have been reports in the press that there is an increasing trend in the US for older parents to move into the homes of their adult children. According to the Census Bureau, the number of parents living with adult children who are heads of households has grown 67 percent to 3.6 million. This recent trend relating to the increasing number of inter generational households has led to a lot of discussion about the changing American social norms...

I found this aspect especially interesting in juxtaposition to my Indian culture. In the Indian culture, multi generational or joint family or extended family homes, however you may term them, are generally a given. In fact, one of the social aspects which made me really uncomfortable and took a while for me to understand and even longer to accept in the US, is the American lifestyle where it is expected that the older parents already living independent lives, will eventually move into an old-age home or what is termed as "assisted living". Simply speaking, old parents here are generally expected to fend for themselves, of course, under the overall caring supervision of their loved ones. I recall how in my earlier months after arrival in US, I wrote letters to my friends back home in Delhi as to how it bothered me to think of older parents left to live the remainder of their lives isolated from the family, dependent on their loved ones visits to brighten their days. It still bothers me even more now, albeit from a selfish viewpoint as a single person.

In contrast, in the Indian sub-continent, multi-generational homes are the norm. A son role in assuming complete responsibility, financial and otherwise, in terms of taking care of his old parents is considered a critical aspect of the Indian subcontinent's socio-religious mores. A typical Indian family consists of the grandparents, the parents and the grandkids. Observe an immigrant Indian family in the US, you will almost always notice grandparents in the picture.


My parents with their grandson. Grandparents living with the family play an important role in imparting sense of family, values, religious beliefs and principles. It is a great pity that my son born in US was not able to visit them much...

In our Indian families, grandparents rule in terms of being given complete respect and often the power to make family decisions. However interestingly, this expectation of living with the parents is limited to the sons only. It is clearly a patriarchal system that is still deeply entrenched in India. Once the daughter marries, it is expected that her husband's family will be her first priority in every respect and her own parents and siblings become secondary. Further, she is expected to take care of her in-laws along with her husband and children. Hence this is the prime reason, sons continue to carry a high premium in India. Earlier before the property laws in India changed leading to an equal division of the family property between sons and daughters, only the sons were heirs whereas the dowry given to the daughter was considered her share and claim to the family's wealth. Of course, Indian society has transformed considerably since independence with the passage of the Hindu Succession Act(1956) and the Dowry Prohibition Act(1965)and other related legislation to ensure gender equality, but taking care of one's parents' right till the end of their lives continues to be an intrinsic part of the Indian culture and nothing could be considered socially more abhorrent than a son not taking care of his old parents...


Another picture of an Indian family, my grandmother, the family matriarch, the son and daughter-in-law, the grandkids and the my mother who was just visiting as her real home was with her husband and his family.


Here mother is in her own home with her mother-in-law, a very strong personality, but mother with her serene persona soon won over the respect and love of the entire Bhandari clan that was reputedly very rambunctious with fiery temperaments. Having come from home where her own family was very low-key, it is to her credit how well she blended without losing her own genteel individuality. Having gone through a lot herself, she by temperament and experience became the gentlest and most understanding mother-in-law herself and a true feminist in her own right.

In the traditional Indian home, it was assumed that the son upon marrying would bring his bride to live in his parents' home in the joint family set-up. In fact, when the parents wanted to arrange a match for their son, one of the prime qualities they sought in their future daughter-in-law was her ability to adjust "into our family" hence the usage of terms like "sweet temperament" and "homely" as in adjustability not plain looks as is the interesting interpretation here, were ubiquitous in describing the merits of a "good girl". Ideally, the new bride was supposed to be treated like a new daughter in her new home, but in reality, it was often not so. Along with the benefits of loving familial bonds, were the more serious problems of mother-in-law and other extended family interference due to reluctance to let go of the son to the detriment of his wife's interests and needs.


And a doting grandmother with her newborn grandson. Grandparents are respected for their wisdom borne of years.

Bollywood movies are replete with the themes of a mother-in-law's ill-treatment of the daughter-in-law who was often relegated to taking care of the household drudgery and doing chores for the entire families. This exaggerated depiction was based on reality, often harsher. It was actually no picnic also for the poor husband caught in the middle of these family dramas . If he agreed with his wife, he was immediately made to feel guilty by his parents as to how much they had sacrificed for the son (which is actually very true as the parents went to great lengths for their son's education and financial success as a son was considered a sort of life insurance for their old age) and if he sided with his parents, the wife accused him of being tied to his mother's apron strings... But, generally, due to her financial dependence as a mother of her growing family, the wife remained trapped in the dysfunctional family dynamics. Seriously, the Indian in-law battles are legendary!


I just can't resist sharing this commercial for a TV serial in India depicting a fictitious middle class family in a small town in Western India. Unfortunately, the commentary is in Hindi but the visuals tell you the story. It is pleasant and humorous satire on a joint family's dynamics living under the same roof which despite the daily life dramas are still based firmly in love and bonds are still strong... Remember this shows small town India where the traditions still remain strong whereas the cosmopolitan environment is very different- just like anywhere else in the world.

Thankfully with the empowerment of women back home through education and other supportive legislation as mandated by the Indian Constitution which right from its inception gave women equal rights with men leading to financial independence for women, the parents of the husbands still live home with their sons, but the daughters-in-law have rightfully a lot of say in the households. On a facetious, yet honest note, many young professional women who have grown-up seeing and/or hearing about the mother-in-law ill-treatment of their female relatives do not want to deal with an otherwise good catch if his mother is still alive or unless he vows to establish boundaries by setting up an independent home. Wiser folks back home, cognizant of the danger of personality clashes and their own innate need for independence and dignity, are increasingly constructing their homes such that they are self-contained units within the family property wherein the in-laws have their own privacy and yet they are within very close proximity to the son's family.


Ceremonial festivities and rites accord a major role to grandparents who are considered the head of the household spiritually and elders' heart-felt blessings and guidance are critical for youngsters' happiness and success. Here my niece's fiance, both of whom are doctors, receiving blessings from my mom at a ceremony formalizing mutual acceptance of an arranged match. Mother's approval was considered invaluable in this process. The head is covered by the young man as is the norm during the prayers and the match is sealed by sharing sweets blessed at the Hindu ceremony.

I don't want to give the impression that all in-laws were ogres because that could not be further from the truth. For instance, my mother had such a close bond with my sister-in-law that even when she and my brother divorced, my sister-in-law remained close to my mother till the end of mother's life. Such relationships back home, are unfortunately are not as common as they should be. In a well functioning multi-generational setup, the kids in the family grow up with close ties to their grandparents who often play a very active role in parenting when their son and his wife both have careers. I have fond memories of how my older brother lived upstairs in his own unit and had his own domestic help to take care of his girls, but mother and father were always downstairs keeping an eye on things. After school, my nieces always bounded home first to meet their grandparents before heading upstairs to their own home. Both my brother and sister-in-law felt very secure with this arrangements and children grew-up with strong ties to their doting grandparents. This was not however unique to my family, rather it is a common sight to see grandparents today taking their grand kids to school and taking care of many of their needs. In the case of more than one son, the parents normally live with the eldest son or split their time between different sons. A harmonious inter-generational set up certainly leads to lot of emotional and financial support all around along with lessons in caring and sharing of responsibilities

My father in his late eighties, basking in Delhi's winter sun, with my nephew, my brother's baby son.

It is ironic that while the adult children in US are bringing their parents home to live with them, assisted living for senior citizens is gradually gaining acceptance in India due to a number of reasons, essentially the changing social landscape which includes the career pressures of the earning couple, aspirations of the young couples to move farther and seek newer opportunities, the new wave of materialism that has now swept India, a reaction to the past abuses of the joint-family system and the loneliness and the inability of the elderly citizens to take care of themselves in their own homes where many choose to live and thereby are subjected to neglect... India seems to be moving in the other direction and I fervently hope that it does not do so at the expense of what was the best in our culture which is strong family ties...

Chicago- Certainly a City of Big Shoulders!

Chicago skyline

I have returned today after a wonderful two-day business trip to Chicago. I have visited the city earlier also, but this time,the trip was different because the conference hotel I was staying in was right in the heart of downtown, one of those boutique hotels that have still managed to retain their old world charm. This stay was vastly different from the earlier day trips when one arrived for a meeting early a.m at a non-descript hotel near the airport and then left immediately for home a few hours later... All rush rush rush... I certainly don't have the temperament of a corporate jet-setter!

On this trip to Chicago, I attended a conference that lasted a day and a half and I had enough down time in between to walk a few blocks right into the heart of downtown. Armed with my faithful digital camera, on a beautiful sunny Wednesday afternoon, I sauntered out of the hotel less diffident than usual. It is ironic or perhaps it is cultural that while I am othewise so independent, I have always felt uncomfortable exploring strange towns and cities on my own because I only feel secure among the known and the familiar unless I have company. However, it has been my continuing resolve to push myself out of my comfort-zone so as to develop self-assurance in this regard. And with each work trip, I have made discernible progress.

Upon checking in, I naively asked the front desk clerk for a room with a good view. Barely suppressing a grin at my ignorance, he told me with a straight face that the view was the same from all sides of the hotel and boy was he correct! I was in skyscraper land for sure along with the dirty rooftops of the lower-level buildings thrown in for good measure! The couple of views below are from my hotel room on the 6th floor.


Anyway after my business was wrapped up for the day, I started my adventure from the well known business/shopping arcade known as the "Magnificent Mile," just a block from my hotel.

Basically, I will let the pictures tell the story along with my half-baked observations and comments.





Ok I admit I went crazy photographing these tall towers. The amalgamation of these engineering marvels along with historic structures is truly interesting. Here you are walking literally in the concrete jungle when suddenly, you come across a traditional architectural structure which just seems to blend in beautifully with the rest of the landscape. Actually what I found fascinating about Chicago is the almost seamless blend of rich history and modern engineering... Very different from downtown DC which is characterized by the almost same style of classic architecture.

My pictures may not show much originality in terms of the fact that they seem to be a rapid succession of photographs about different skyscrapers. But that is exactly my point. While at first glance each high-rise building looks the same- it is not! There are very subtle and not so subtle differences between each structure whether it be aesthetics or architectural principles. The tour guide flooded us with so much information that I was literally kicking myself for not having got my notebook along as I truly enjoy history and absorbing interesting facts.

Here are a few pictures of the skyscrapers that I took standing in the Magnificent Mile area to try and capture the feeling of being surrounded by these never-ending skyscrapers which have real estate, both residential and commercial, selling at unbelievably exhorbitant rates.







Above you will see another historic building, Chicago Water Works , being preserved next to these cement and steel marvels. The Chicago Water Works is an important historic landmark that survived the great Chicago Fire in 1871. It is a water pumping station with a purification plant that serves a population of more than 390,000 people in the central district of the city.

At this point, I was able to resolve my conundrum about how to proceed next as there is only this much you can admire in the department stores, however upscale... I mean window shopping has serious limitations, one of them being lack of funds. As if by magic, barely a few blocks down, I happened upon a tour bus - one of those open-roof double-decker buses. While in my typical manner, I vacillated, the young sales people enthusiastically sold me on the idea of boarding the tour trolley.

Gingerly, I clambered on to the bus, not to get off my roof seat for the next two and a half hours. Sitting on the open roof on this beautiful sunny day, I was able to click many pictures of the this fascinating city full of so much character, history and ambiance accomodating comfortably the world of modern architecture symbolized by steel, glass and other modern fixtures. I only stopped clicking when my battery died.

In all seriousness, this must be the best 30 bucks I have ever spent because in the next couple of hours, the young man conducting the city-tour gave us a rich rendition of the city's history. This was supposed to be a "hop off and hop on" bus, but those who know me wont't be surprised to know that I was the prime example of "Hop on and Stay on" lazy Diva. I only got off at the end when it was chilly and dark only to get lost on my way back because only I would leave my hotel without the street address and phone number. However the new me did not panic, initially, but just went around in circles a few times in that area finally getting the much-avoided exercise until I realized that I was truly lost. I think, I was looking quite pathetic, helpless and flustered (it doesn't take me long to get that look) because one very nice gentleman took pity on me and literally walked me a few blocks to my hotel which actually turned out to be around the corner. It further confirmed my observation that folks from the mid-west are truly nice!



Ok that is me posing like a typical clueless tourist and there is a picture of one of the trolleys which I soon boarded. Let's continue...


This is the Hancock Center, the third tallest skyscraper in Chicago. It was very tough taking pictures from a moving bus, I almost caused a crick in my neck straining to get the maximum image...



The above are pictures of Lake Michigan against Chicago's rush hour traffic which is only a shade better than the DC traffic. I tried to move closer to get a better view of the boat, but there is only this far a point and shoot camera will go. Just as our eyes were sort of getting glazed with all those high buildings, the astute youngman jolted all of us to awareness by pointing to the above building as one of the places where Oprah Winfrey had lived or lives. Not entirely sure, but that is what I gathered.
Right in the middle of the city, it was a nice change to see a playground which I think was connected to a school. Not sure. At this point, these are my impressions as our guide was talking rapidly and I think my interests and his idea of tourist delights were often divergent.




We also went through sections of Chicago which had many historical structures.It is my understanding that the city is now trying to save and protect its history. I have touched upon a couple of examples but there are many such historical buildings.

Note the quick picture of Chicago Building Theatre which is an institution with respect to the performing arts in Chicago.

One of the pictures above is of Excalibur, Chicago's famous nightclub - probably the oldest in the city.

Another nice aspect of the city was that it had many open-air restaurants and eating places. DC has such eateries also, but not to the same extent. These were quaint eating places which just looked delightful!


The Lyric Opera House above



Aha! Finally, we reached the world famous Sears Towers, the tallest building in North America. Such was the excitement among the fellow passengers that I almost felt obliged to take pictures from different angles. By this time, I was beginning to feel like a boneless wonder swivelling my neck and body in tune to the rapid narration of our guide who can probably recite this litany of tourist information in his sleep!




Ok I had to take pictures of the Chicago rail transit which I thought was very unique because the infrastructure supporting the tracks was solidly installed on the streets-it looked like an elevated surface system. The subways started much later primarily due to the expense involved. These pictures show how the train goes right above the street. Very different from DC metro which is essentially underground for the most part. I could be wrong but I think the Chicago subways started becoming operational in early 1940s!


Here I am back again fixated on the combination of the very modern and very old classic structures in juxtaposition to each other resulting in a very interesting landscape. The historical building was an important center that I cannot recall now.

The tall white building is the Aon center and the second tallest building in Chicago followed by Hancock Center already shown earlier. The building immediately above is striking because of its flowing exterior design which seems to give an impression of the flow of waves. I have a hunch, this could have been designed by a woman architect- it just has that touch! Not being sexist here-please!




Above are pictures of the Chicago river which runs right through downtown Chicago and is known for the engineering feat of directing its flow away from Lake Michigan for reasons of sanitation.
The historic Congress Plaza hotel built in 1893 on North Michigan Ave which has provided accomodations to many US Presidents and held many important political conventions. I just couldn't capture the entire hotel in my camera as it was too close... This is just to provide a flavor of another historic building with a rich history.



Ok, we are nearing towards the end of the Chicago tour. Remember Chicago follows the grid system in its city-planning. One of the pictures show the Chicago harbor with a beautiful bike trail running alongside. I saw many cyclists in Chicago riding on their own paths as shown in the picture.

Chicago harbors are very popular and a lot of money has been invested in them. They have an extremely high occupancy rate as can be seen from the number of boats visible in the picture.

The other two pictures are of the Field Museum of Natural History and the Chicago Stadium the famed and historic indoor sports stadium in Chicago.

What I have shown is literally a tip of the iceberg in terms of things to do in Chicago. If one visits the city and has time-constraints, I would highly recommend a trolley tour as I was amazed at how much I soaked up in a little over two hours. Having said all that, I have to admit for all the evident engineering marvels and safety features, if I were to live in Chicago, I would never live in any of those high-rise buildings as apart from having fear of heights, I like to have the feeling of being in control and I doubt, that I would have much of that sitting on the 90th floor or such...



Here I am at O'Hare airport bidding goodbye to the city that has such strong roots in history and yet is so progressive. It certainly has come a long way from its lowly beginning in a swampy base. I definitely plan to visit Chicago again but in the real sense of actually spending time in the places that I only saw from a distance during this visit.

Hope you enjoyed this virtual tour as much as I did. It has been fun memorializing it... Of course, these are my impressions that I took away hastily from the sights and the speedy narration of our very able guide, so if I have incorrectly described something here, feel free to correct me or add more thoughts.

Post-Partition India: Putting Down Roots Again! Part II

Continued from Part I which MUST be read to get the complete story of the Bhandari family which now was in safe territory, but the saga continued...

Interestingly, while the common theme was one of loss, displacement, rebuilding and ultimate transformation, the partition experiences were felt differently by different sections of society based on a number of factors including their social standing and prior economic backgrounds. Generally, following the mass commonality of the near death experience in their flight through hell, the subsequent experiences of the upper middle-class were often different from the less-privileged masses in that due to their connections and education, the middle-class were able to land on their feet more easily than their less privileged brethren...

Against this backdrop of extraordinary socio-political upheaval, transition and transformation - all at once- my dear father, relieved that his young family was now safe and well looked after, began serious job-hunting from morning till the end of the day. He met with many members of new government including the new Prime Minister, Nehru, and many members of his Cabinet, capitalizing on his connections from his days in the British administration. Ultimately, he was appointed to a couple of senior positions in the government which led to the family relocating to different parts of the country. But father, headstrong, highly egoistic not one to suffer fools lightly, an extremely independent spirit with one of the kindest hearts around, almost never politically correct due to his pronounced predisposition to easily speak his mind, often bluntly, a prolific writer and a true lover of books, was not one who was going to enjoy for long the structured confines of a work environment dominated by stuffy protocol, an absolute necessity for a bureaucrat.
My brilliant, hot-headed and fearless father had a chequered career despite so many opportunities, till he settled as an attorney practicing criminal law in Delhi High Court.

Picture of St. John's college, Cambridge University, founded in the sixteenth century under the Tudors (Henry VIII), that I really want to visit due to my father's student days there. If I sound extremely proud of my father, who for all his other arrogance, never actually talked much about his academic prowess, I am not going to apologize as it was almost next to impossible for an Indian to study at Cambridge during the days of the British when you were a mere Indian "native". Father topped the British Indian Civil Service Examination in Delhi beating all the candidates in 1932. It was the British who sent him on a Scholarship to Cambridge.

Predictably, father soon quit the prestigious government service, his last position being Deputy Commissioner of Textiles in Bombay (now Mumbai). His days of bureaucracy were over. Forever!!! He returned to Delhi to restart his career as an attorney in private practice in late 1950, never to look back. Armed with his many formidable academic credentials including his Masters degree (M.A. Cantab) from St John's College in Cambridge University in England, along with his larger than life persona, booming voice and his erudite mind, he had finally found his niche and the family settled down completely in New Delhi. (And yes those who know me - believe I am my father's daughter in terms of feeling stifled by unreasonable conventions, though I like to believe my spontaneous candor has been tempered to some extent through my mother's gentle genes- at least I optimistically hope so.)
. The three oldest brothers, so tired and so bewildered by all the sudden life changes, next to the family car-father drove all the way about 1000 miles away to his new position and mother, a novice driver, tried her hand at driving, but family folklore has it she bumped a cow in a backstreet or something to that effect-gently I might add - and that unnerved her enough never ever to try again. That she tried at all was indicative of her innate feminism as women DID NOT drive in that world. Mother always denied the whole incident as another humorous figment of father's machoism.

In an effort to rehabilitate the refugees, the Indian government had set up many residential areas in Delhi that were ear-marked for the migrant families. Homes abandoned by the fleeing Muslim families were redistributed or taken over by the local Hindus. Of course, the vice versa occurred in Pakistan. Anyway these residential areas termed as "colonies" consisted of solid, very vanilla, aesthetically very boring homes built by the government and sold at extremely subsidized prices to help the displaced families. Very easy Government loans were provided and payment often waived due to the penurious circumstances of the borrowers. Father bought one of those cookie-cutter homes for a song, which became the family home and was continually customized to meet the needs of his growing family.

Hurriedly built to accommodate the huge influx of refugees, the houses were very basic, almost primitive without proper water supply or electricity, all of which was installed a year later. Folks used kerosene lamps and waited in lines to get water from hand-pumps. Soon markets, schools and other vital aspects sprouted nearby and community life started in full-swing. My paternal grandmother here with my late oldest brother, Arvindji, was the proverbial matriarch of the family, someone with whom one did not mess with. She had squelched effectively and colorfully even the hint of a suggestion by my dad to stay behind in Lahore when he was in denial about the partition. Grandparents play or used to play a very critical part in Indian families as they traditionally lived with their adult son's families in their old age which was not always a picnic for the daughter-in-laws, but that is where the culture indoctrination comes in....

Delhi during this period was transformed due to staggering number of people trying to find a safe haven there. It especially became the Mecca of the migrant Punjabis displaced from their homes in Pakistan. The arrival of the Punjabis actually changed the tenor and culture of the city which has been capital of so many Indian empires and the British since 1911.

Punjabis is the name given to the residents of Punjab which was the meeting place for the Indo-Aryans who came through the Himalayan mountain passes and pushed the indigenous people to the southern part of the sub-continent settling and intermingling with each subsequent race that arrived over the centuries and settled in the rich and fertile region of Punjab. Punjab or the land of five rivers became the "grainary" of the British and is still India's bread-basket. Before the arrival of the Punjabis, most hindus living in Delhi were low-key, living conservative lifestyles clinging extra hard to their customs in juxtaposition to their Muslim neighbors with whom they co-existed peacefully for the most part. With the exodus of most of the Muslim population to Pakistan and the arrival of the punjabis, it all changed!!! Characteristically, relatively light-complexioned, tall, well built and full of life, the vibrant Punjabis live life to the fullest.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_IpWv70rys
A U-Tube video showing a Bhangra performance. Bhangra,the very lively traditional folk dance of Punjab, performed originally to celebrate the harvest is now very popular all over the world and has penetrated Western music where the beat of the large drums is combined with Western intruments to produce a new genre of dancing music. Indian and non-Indian Students all over the US universities are very much involved in the Bhangra music which is very popular in nightclubs also. Here the students of a Punjab University in India are performing. ...

Many of the Punjabis, traders by profession, arriving penniless and distraught, immediately rose to the challenge, and vigorously adapted themselves to their new land. With their ingenuity and hard work, they soon established thriving businesses in Delhi. In fact, some of the largest and busiest bazaars in Delhi today were started by these businessmen. They worked hard and played hard and certainly were proponents of conspicuous consumerism. Lusty, loud with an exaggerated tendency for ostentatious display and often a vulgar sense of humor, they often irked the other low-key Indians. Yes the Punjabis are a breed apart and yes I am a true Punjabi!

The youngest four of the Bhandari kids (I am the second youngest-the sixth), the products of free India, were born in New Delhi some years later, after our parents were reasonably well-settled and partition seemed like an alien concept or something that was exciting to talk about at the dinner table. It didn't really touch us. I think we were blessed to have been brought up by parents who did not give a fig for the Hindu-Muslim issues and we had Muslim folks as friends and domestic help all through the years.
My two older brothers born in Delhi some years later-one is settled here in US (left) and the other is in New Zealand (right).
Yours truly was the proverbial ugly duckling as a child...

My youngest brother who we lost to leukemia last year in the prime of his life- he and I grew up together.

Clearly, today India as a sovereign nation is relatively young (only 61 years old!) and has progressed a lot by leaps and bounds. (Check my earlier articles on India travels.) Its relationship with US today is so different to what it was when we were growing up. At that time, the US was viewed with suspicion and dislike because of its close ties to Pakistan in the Cold War era. The thawing and subsequent warming of relations between US and India has truly been a historic development because at one time India and Moscow were close . I recall growing up and reading how the same world event was described differently in the two publications representing the US and USSR government respectively. There is a lot to share and one could continue writing copiously, but I will spare you and write on discrete issues as I go along. In the interim, if you want to get a flavor of life in free India, you can check my earliest posts.

Today the wounds of the partition have somewhat healed, but I believe only superficially, sadly the mutual suspicion between the two religious communities continues to simmer underneath, only to be easily aroused by the fundamentalists leading to hateful instances of violence in the post-partition era. Interestingly the survivors don't talk about those harrowing days - it is almost a cultivated and calculated amnesia to block out the trauma of the unimaginable atrocities. While infinite books and many movies have been produced on this sorrowful chapter, currently there is no commemorative Partition memorial in India, though in the recent years there has been a lot of discussion about the same.

While the memory of brutality doesn't have to be relived again and again, the lessons about injecting religion into politics should never ever be forgotten. Having been affected, albeit indirectly, by the role of religion in India's partition politics, it is almost stomach-churning and fascinating to me as to how in US the most powerful nation in the world, my new home, where Church and State are supposed to be separate, so much of religion is infused into politics and how the otherwise clear thinking and pragmatic people are so easily blinded to rationale in the name of religion...

Post- Partition India: New Beginnings Amidst Chaos... Part I

These are articles for serious readers who genuinely want to learn about the world outside the US of A and thus get an international perspective which I genuinely believe could be an important factor in resolving so much world tension-but then I am an optimistic idealist!)

This article is also based both on childhood reminisces and discussions with other family and friends in US. Unfortunately, along with both my parents, I have also lost my two oldest brothers prematurely, whereas the third brother born in pre-partition India is settled in New Delhi . Consequently, the aim here is to essentially provide a flavor of that turbulent time when thousands of uprooted refugee families resettled in New Delhi, my family, being one of them. I also want to illustrate how the new Government of India still in its infancy, stepped up to the plate and worked hard on the rehabilitation of thousands of refugees who themselves rose to the challenge amidst both sorrow and excitement at being a part of a new nation and carved a new cultural identity for themselves in Delhi which became a base for the exuberant Punjabi culture. The idea is to share all this through my family's story.

Luckily I have been able to dig up old photographs which somehow I had been instinctively wise enough to bring with me during my many trips to India, otherwise they would have been lost in the various family upheavals which have taken place over the years...

So let us continue...

As I explained in earlier posts, my parents barely escaped with their lives leaving behind their home, ancestral property, friends, their livelihood and essentially their entire lifestyle during the horrific events that occurred during the territorial division of India into the two sovereign nations of India and Pakistan in 1947. Approximately 12 million were displaced in this upheaval and hundreds and thousands died -the psychological wounds inflicted run deep in both the countries and are still not fully healed.

Reaching the Delhi Railway station after the fateful train journey from Pakistan to New Delhi in India, my parents had no clue what to do after the instant euphoria at having escaped death had evaporated. As good fortune would have it, in the crazy mayhem that ensued, father spotted a senior government officer, father's former colleague from his days as a bureaucrat under the British administration. Father turned to him for help and he immediately responded and had the family transported to my my aunt, mother's sister, place. She had a house in the premises of a Delhi hospital where my uncle was a doctor. The house was already teaming with similarly desperately situated relatives breathing down each other's necks in cramped living quarters. Soon, thereafter my parents found safe haven with my maternal grandparents who had wisely reached Delhi earlier from Pakistan. My mother's sister and husband who was a doctor with whom my parents stayed along with other relatives immediately after reaching Delhi.

My maternal grandfather was also a doctor, a pathologist trained in England, who had also been based in Lahore. Always a sanguine person, he had sensibly left Lahore earlier and reached Delhi before my parents arrival. Having served as a senior medical officer under the wealthy princely ruler of the now disputed state of Kashmir, grandfather fortunately had invested wisely in substantial property in Delhi which at that time was rented to a school. The property was immediately vacated on an emergency basis and became a shelter for many family members including my other aunts and uncles with their children. My parents were certainly blessed to have found refuge with none other than the extended family, but not many refugees who came to Delhi were so lucky.


Mother with my three oldest brothers stayed at the old medieval type of property that her parents had bought wisely and which served as a refuge for many family members who escaped Pakistan. This property's land-value skyrocketed in real-estate in later years because it is in the heart of Delhi. Delhi has today grown exponentially and real-estate is premium value.

This is a picture of my mother with her parents and her brothers in 1949 after my parents migrated to India. Note how it is a sign of respectability for Indian women to cover their heads. The picture shows my youngest uncle (on the right) who had joined the Navy and was leaving for London for his training. Despite India's freedom from the British rule, England and India continued to have strong ties and the Indian who could manage it, went to England for higher studies. It has been a unique relationship of both deep affection and anger all at the same time

The Indian government had set up huge refugee camps in large open spaces in the city where staggering number of displaced families were living in tents in conditions which were far from sanitary due to overcrowding and lack of proper facilities. The newly created government of free India, ill-prepared and untrained to deal with a debacle of such magnitude, did what it could to provide shelter and protect the refugees. There were more than 160 government-operated refugee camps within different parts of India including of course the Indian section of Punjab - East Punjab. Separate refugee camps sheltered Muslims fleeing from Delhi and who were waiting for a passage across the border or just local Muslims who did not want to migrate to Pakistan but were waiting out the communal horror..(Remember the Indian Republic is secular.) Delhi was a city divided and in complete turmoil!

Gandhiji, literally the heart of India's freedom struggle made incessant calls for Hindu-Muslim unity till his assassination in January 1948, shattering the already wounded soul of the new nation.
Mahatma Gandhi the remarkable spiritual and political leader, referred to as the "Father of India" launched the non-violent movement against the British rule using civil disobedience as an anti-colonial tool that eventually won India its independence.


Jawaharlal Nehru, the first Prime Minister of India,a renowned orator whose speech on India's Independence delivered to India's Constituent Assemby on August 14, 1947, "Tryst with Destiny" is considered an all-time classic masterpiece for its rich narrative expressing the hopes and dreams of a new nation .

Nonetheless to India's credit, the new fledgling government under the leadership of Jawaharlal Nehru, the first prime minister of India, rose to the occasion and designed a number of legal, executive and and financial mechanisms to assist and eventually integrate the incoming Hindus and Sikhs into the national mainstream. Emergency committees were set -up. Local voluntary organizations became very active in providing food and clothing to the refugees. Security was provided in the camps and much effort was made by the new administration to rehabilitate and resettle the uprooted masses.

It was a surreal time when the the shell-shocked families seeking refuge struggled with conflicting emotions of joy and pride in being Indian citizens while at the same time trying to come to terms and picking up the pieces of their shattered lives...

To be continued in Part II.

Country Gal for a Day!

This past Labor Day weekend, a friend and I decided to do a day-trip visiting small towns outside the DC region. We decided to visit the beautiful Shenandoah valley in Virginia stopping in small towns on the way and ending it with the Skyline drive with its picture-postcard beautiful views. Shenandoah Valley is bound by the Blue-Ridge mountains. The scenery is so spectacular that one can go there innumerable times and yet want to visit again.

Shenandoah Valley - General Meanderings...

As for living in any of the towns in the area, that would be next to impossible for a cosmopolitan person like me. The bucolic lifestyle would be great for a weekend or for vacations-beyond that I am not so sure I could survive without the cultural exposure one takes so much for granted when living an urban lifestyle. This trip further confirmed what I have always known, that I am a city girl at heart right from New Delhi to the Washington DC area that is now my home. Sleepy little towns with barely any sign of life except for areas which were college towns, there just seemed to be not much activity or for that matter much diversity. I am beginning to understand why some of these universities in these small towns are such "party-schools" -clearly there is nothing much to do there for fun other than party!

Having said that the folks that we met were very nice and affable -simple country folks steeped in their own little worlds disconnected somewhat from the politics so rampant in the not too faraway DC. Exactly the prime audience targeted by both the political parties whose political campaign ads/tactics seem to reach a new low with each subsequent presidential election. But that is not exclusive to US but every country where political campaigns are geared towards the real folks living far from the government centers. Anyway, personally I feel very fortunate to live in the DC area which has so much diversity, cultural and otherwise and yet has access to such beauty of nature right outside the borders, barely a couple of hours away.

We were lucky to have idyllic sunny weather and I was especially fortunate to have a friend who just knew a lot about everything making me realize how ignorant, I am about small-town America and the rich American history. Having grown up in New Delhi and learning through the British system of education, the focus of my history studies has naturally been India, Britain and Europe. So this was a great learning experience as well. As a former high school history teacher, I love to soak up all information relating to the past. Learning facts like the Shenandoah valley being the bread-basket of the Confederates and the strategies devised during the Civil War made this trip both educational and fun!

Needless to say, I went camera crazy as you can see from the pictures below:


OK - I have no clue about farming so I got a lesson as to how automated farming has become nowadays and how these bales of hay are rolled...

We had to stop to look at this beautiful Church on our way back from Endless caverns-we didn't actually go into the caves which are known for little brown bats visible during the tour- just as well as a bat girl - I ain't!

Behind me is a building which I believe was formerly a school-house as is evident from the bell-tower - I think that would be the correct term.

The Skyline Drive-the Epitome of Nature's Beauty

The pictures of the magnificent views from Skyline Drive are next. This more than 105 mile drive runs through the mountains. Now here is a truly funny observation.

While I had not seen a single face from India in all the towns we stopped in namely, Warrenton, Sperryville, Harrisonburg, Front Royal and I forget a couple others-there were literally car loads of fellow Indians visiting with their entire families and elderly parents. The strong hold of the extended family system which is such a critical part of the Indian culture in which the elderly parents traditionally live with their adult kids was nowhere more evident than in these huge groups of Indians. Each group consisted of three generations in each family- grandparents, their kids and grand kids. I humorously told my friend that the Indian population explosion was now evident in the Shenandoah! Seriously the Indian immigrants in US are clearly a huge group now, but it seems to me that they are mostly based in big towns and cities and not such rural settings.

My good friend and very patient tour-guide put up with my incessant questions about everything in sight... He certainly had the patience of a saint especially when I started getting a craving for Starbucks coffee in the middle of the mountains because I needed my afternoon caffeine kick that I normally get from strong tea.



Note the fading light as dusk approaches and the shadows cast by the mountains.
The winding road in the mountains where the speed was limited to 30mph or so.


Saw deer on the way but my squeal of excitement had no effect on this chap as he kept grazing and just couldn't be bothered. So I could only get his robust behind. I guess the deer are somewhat used to the public..

The Drive goes through the mountains. Note the tunnel- it was quite thrilling going through it.



By the time we completed the Skyline Drive, it was dusk and I could not resist taking a picture of this scraggly tree against the skyline. My friend could not understand why I would want to photograph a dead tree. I have stopped trying to explain such such subtle poignant nuances to the male mind long time ago...

I know I know I have put too many pictures but I hope they give you a flavor of what a beautiful state Virginia is. Do not miss visiting the Shenandoah Valley should you visit DC. I am a lazy girl who likes to be driven around but for folks who are more active, there are lot of hiking trails and biking routes etc.